oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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