dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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