she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
