last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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