His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
