apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Randomize
