My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
