I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
