WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
We don't watch enough power rangers
3 2 1 whiskey
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Randomize
