If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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