About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
