Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
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