people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Randomize
