Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
smell my finger.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize