She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Drunk walkin through police station. America
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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