Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Randomize
