just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
