i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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