He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
