Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
