I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
