Have you finally orgasmed yet?
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Randomize
