Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
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