what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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