woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
