Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
