wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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