The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Randomize
