drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Randomize
