watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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