Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
