your room smells of hookers.
And success
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
