my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
