just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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