I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
home. puking in laundry basket.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
