the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize