Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
