i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Randomize
