There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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