im having a threesome with these popsicles
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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