So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
You ate ashes out of my bong
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
