I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Randomize
