it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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