The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize