I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Randomize
