they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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