i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
