I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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