I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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