I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize