I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
