I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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