There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
