I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Randomize
