life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
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