Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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