Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Randomize
