Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I lost the right to judge tonight
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
