Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Randomize
