She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
