Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
