This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
we're so committed to being not committed
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
