so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
They are going to name an STD after you.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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