Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Randomize
