No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
