He had one of those small greek statue penises
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
