I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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